What the Nordics Do When No One Is Looking
by Yottersmania
Summary: The Nordics have had a really long, tiring day, and this is how each one of them unwind and relax,NORDIC STYLE. Warning: This story might break your brain...*thumbs up* :D
1. Denmark

**Hey guys~! ^^ Yotters here with another new story...I've been dead for a while thanks to my strict as hell parents...Fun right? NO. Not one bit. So this story is kinda for a friend at the moment, she's totally kick-ass and doesn't know I'm like dedicating it to her, but I swear broski, you're funny as hell~! 8DDD Oh yeah, and for some reason I typed this story in bold...No clue why though...I don't think the other chapters will be in bold though...So I don't own Hetalia, sadly, it belongs to Hima-sensei...and like enjoy ^^ Oh yeah, and review yo~! And yeah, I'm making one for every Nordic!**

* * *

><p><strong>What the Nordics Do When No One is Looking<strong>

**It had been a really long day and the Nordic countries were tired as fuck, so they decided they were all gonna unwind, NORDIC STYLE. **

**Denmark: **

**Denmark snuck to his room when no one was looking, **_**no one**_** could see what he was about to do, because they would **_**never **_**let him live it down, **_**ever. **_**Reaching the door to his room, he snuck in all ninja like, like even more ninja than Japan and that was saying something, because hell, Japan **_**invented **_**ninja. Shutting and locking the door behind him, he went to his walk in closet and opened the door, looking around to make sure no one was watching him. **

**He stepped inside the closet and shut and locked the door to that too. He flicked open the lights and when the light turned on he saw what was probably his reason for living. **_**Sweden. **_**Pictures and pictures of Sweden all over the place. **

**Sighing in content, Denmark strolled over to some drawers and opened the bottom one taking out a basket filled with sewing supplies. Yeah, yeah heard right bitches, sewing supplies. PSH. The King of the Nordics sewed, like 24/7, and if you had a problem with it, well than you could choke on die on his…IMEANWHUT. **

**So, like, anyways, he took his totally kickass and manly, definitely manly, 'cause everything that Denmark did was manly, so what if the kit was hot pink and had little puppy and glittery butterfly stickers on it, it was still manly…Yeah well he took that sewing kit and like sat down on his bed and like opened the kit and pulled out his latest project…**

…_**A Sweden doll…**_

**Yeah you read right hoe, Denmark was sewing a Sweden doll so that it could play and have fun and make love…IMEANWHUT, with his doll of himself….because only real men had dolls of themselves that made love…I mean **_**"had fun" **_**with dolls of other men. And honestly mo'fo, he doesn't care if you, or super manly boyfriend say otherwise…**

**So Denmark started sewing his doll and he was like totally talking to it the whole time, saying shit like.**

**"Oh Sweden, you're so sexy, and manly, and hot. I **_**looooove**_** you. And I want you to make love to me, and tell me you love me, and forget all about that stupid, ugly troll Finland."**

**At this point, Denmark was totally pissed off about how Sweden only loved Finland, so he took out his Finland doll and started stabbing the living…err well not living…shit out of it with a needle.**

"**Die Finland, die you stupid Sweden stealing mother fucker. DIE GOD DAMN IT!" **

"**Why aren't you dead yet, huh why not?" **

**Now the poor innocent Finland doll was bleeding stuffing and its little white hat came off and it's gum drop buttons came off. WAIT, WHAT?**

**NOT THE GUM DROP BUTTONS! ANYTHING BUT THE GUM DROP BUTTONS, PLEASE, HAVE MERCY! TT_TT**

…**.But alas, Denmark did not have mercy and the poor little Finland doll died and the poor little gum drop buttons did come off, and Denmark flopped on his bed again, sighing in content.**

"**Ah, that felt good…" **

**Picking up his sewing needle and the Sweden he started sewing the little Sweden doll's cute, little eyes on…**

"**Aw, who's a cute little Sweden? You are, you are. Who's manly and sexy and loves me and only me, because Finland is an ugly troll who molests little puppies, and Sealands, and doesn't even love you back? You are, yes you absofuckingdutely are~!"**

**So, now Denmark was feeling totally fucking relaxed, and was like totally happy in his little fantasy world, where Sweden loved him and Norway and Iceland were his fucking bitches, and Finland was that guy that, like did all the work and carried all the stuff whenever they went shopping and didn't get anything and only wore rags and didn't get any love and only got scraps of bread to eat, because no one loved him, especially not Sweden. **

…**.At least that's what it said in Denmark's diary (which was also pink and frilly and had pictures among pictures of Sweden, **_**ALL FUCKING OVER IT YO). **_**But that like totally wasn't the point…**

**The point was…The point was…hmm, was there **_**even **_**a point at this point? No, I guess not. **

**Not like it mattered to Denmark, because his Sweden doll was FINALLY FUCKING FINISHED. And that fact in it of itself made him so happy, he couldn't even describe the feeling in words if asked. Which no would ask him, because NO ONE and I repeat, NO ONE knew about, because well if they did, then he wouldn't be the totally awesome King of the Nordics that everyone knew and loved…kinda loved….okay didn't love at all, there you happy? **

**So now what Denmark didn't know was that the other Nordics were spying on him though that little, tiny hole that all door knobs just seemed to have. **

**Iceland and Norway were laughing their asses off, **_**in their minds, **_**because **_**everyone **_**knows Iceland and Norway JUST. DIDN'T. LAUGH. Mr. Puffin was hiding outside his window with a camera and was videotaping the whole damn thing, so that he and all the other Nordics, and all the other countries and their pets could watch it and laugh their asses off later. Yup, life was good like that when you were a bird. -w-**

**Sweden however had the biggest fucking WTF face ever. He was scared as fuck for two reasons. **

**DENMARK HAD A DOLL OF HIM?**

**HIS CHOCOLATE CAKE BURNED….? **

**Yeah, but that was about it. **

**Finland on the other hand was shaking in his boots, **_**on the outside, **_**on the inside however, he was thinking of ways to kill Denmark in the most painful way possible. **

**-Choke? Naa, too short a time to kill him.**

**-Stab him to death? Naa, too much screaming and blood splattering all over the place.**

**-Torture him in a sound proof basement? FUCK YES BITCHES.**

**And so that was exactly what Finland was gonna do later, when no one was looking, and it was just him and Denmark, in a dark basement, **_**alone**_**….**


	2. Finland

-springs up from the dead- Hey everybody, Yotters here! That's right, I'm still alive! After all these months, I'm still alive! xDD Soooo. . .I could probably go on and on and on about how my life was busy and I started school and started doing physical therapy and blah blah blah, but I don't wanna bore you with details. I'm seriously sorry that this is so late though, I really have no excuse. -bows- I really hope you all like this, and please, please, please *REVIEW* 3 Oh yeah, and this is like, un-beta-ed, but I double checked it, so please ignore any spelling and grammar mistakes. Also, please dun take offense to anything said in this story!~

* * *

><p><strong>What <strong>**the ****Nordics ****Do ****When ****No ****One ****is ****Looking**

**It had been a really long day and the Nordic countries were tired as fuck, so they decided they were all gonna unwind, NORDIC STYLE. **

**Finland:**

**Finland was pissed. No, he was _beyond _pissed. He was like, in a mad rage. He was gonna fucking _murder _Denmark. How dare he? The bastard. Trying to steal his hoe. . .I mean husband. . .yeah. . .that's exactly what I mean. . .-thumbs up- 8D**

**Anyways, Finland was pissed off. So, what did Finland do when he was pissed? **

**HE WORKED OUT! [say it like LMFAO would. You know you want to. . ;) ]**

**Storming down to the basement, he flipped the light switch on like a BAMF and locked the door behind him. **

**He went over to his boom box and when he turned it on, a bunch of pimp Finish rock music started playing.**

**So basically, the basement sounded a little something like this:**

"**HARD. ROCK. HALLELUJAH. HARD. ROCK. HALLELUJAAAAAH."**

**Something around those lines. **

**Walking over to his bench press, he got the dumb-bell thing and started adding more weights to it. When he got to 1,560pie he was satisfied and started lifting it, up and down, up and down, up and down. But it was too easy, so instead of him lifting it all hard and crap, it like he was lifting a stick with TWO marshmallows. Count them TWO marshmallows. **

**Even Sponge Bob couldn't handle that kind of work out. AND HE WAS YELLOW. YELLOW FOR GOD'S SAKE. **

**So he started adding more weight and lifting it and shit.**

**See, the thing about Finland he was totally legally registered as a lethal weapon that could destroy the whole entire fucking world. Because the world just couldn't handle his amazingness, and if he let his true strength show, then everyone, including that sexy hot momma that we call PLANET FUCKING EARTH BITCHES, would blow up because those cute little pixies that follow Norway like stalkers worse than Santa would sprinkle their pixie dust everywhere and then Finland's amazing, epic BAMF-ness would blow up the whole world into a giant pile of confetti. . .**

**Cue the random chirping crickets yo. . .**

**So when Finland was done WORKING OUT [ LMFAO yo.] he walked up to his dartboard which already had a picture of a donkey with the face of Denmark cut out and glued on the butt of the donkey.**

**Denmark truly was an ass. . .FUFUFU.**

**Grabbing his custom made, totally pimp darts off the random table that just so happened to be conveniently there. Because hey, that table totally needed to be there for this story to progress in any way, shape or form.**

**Anyways, Finland gently picked up the dart he named Patricia from the others and cradled her close to him.**

"**Oh Patricia. . .You still love me, don't you? Even if that bastard, hoe stealing hoe face Denmark is trying to steal my hoe away from me. I mean, no one steals from the ultimate pimp daddy himself." **

"**OH HELL NO." Patricia replied. Yep. Patricia could talk. Go fucking figure ._.**

"**I totally wanna be with that sex bomb of a country Denmark. I hear from Norway that he's more amazing in bed than yo' scrawny, white ass could ever be." **

**Now keep in mind. Patricia is a black woman underneath all that paint. So of course, when she went off on that mini rant about Finland's skills in bed, she totally had this black, ghetto woman accent, complete with the finger snapping, and hand waving and "Mm-hm-ing"**

**Finland just stared at her like he couldn't believe his ears. _Patricia _of all people did not just tell him that he sucked in bed. **

**The nerve of the ghetto wanna-be hoe bag. . .err hoe dart.**

**Finland threw Patricia at Denmark's face that was shittily taped onto the donkey's ass.**

"**OI. ASSFACE. YOU'RE MESSING UP MEH HAIR." Patricia started screaming at Finland while she was sailing threw the air, where she landed on Denmark's face with an "Oof."**

"**YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE HAIR." Finland screamed back, and stormed up the stairs, out of the basement and to the nearest gay-bar to let off some steam.**

"**Poor thing, just dun know how to express his feelings." One of Norway's pixie-fairy-ghetto-wanna-be-things that looked like Navi, that annoying shit of a fairy that floated all around Link's head and told him what to do said. The nerve of that shit. **

"**Right? Poor baby. He needs to get laid, and fast," said her friend. **

**Wait, did Norway's fairies even have a gender? I mean, for all you and I know, they could be transgender little weirdos that fucked eachother's brains out for the hell of it. **

**But transgenders are cool yo. **

**THEY WERE BORN THIS WAY HEY, THEY WERE BORN THIS WAY HEY, RIGHT TRACK BABY THEY WERE BORN THIS WAY, YEAAAAH.**

**Lord bless Lady Gaga's soul. The whole world should follow in her footsteps and wear meat.**

**Lord new Finland had a meat dress.**

**Speaking off Finland, where did he go anyways?**

**OH YEAH. THE GAY BAR. **

**Where he was currently pounding some straight guy's ass.**

**Why was a straight guy at the gay bar anyways?**

**The world may never know. . .**


End file.
